iLike the rain
by puppy.love.grace
Summary: Sometimes he liked to sneak out onto the fire escape when it was raining, when it was late and no one was watching. Because it's a big city, a city full of glittering lights and sleek apartment buildings, and sometimes as you look out from the railing, and stare at he glamour of it all in the middle of the night, reality hits you, and you just feel alone. Seddie, post iLove you.
1. Chapter 1

'_Regrets and mistakes, they're memories made.'_

'I should probably go,' Sam says, exactly when my phone vibrates, and the clock directly across from the fire escape reads 12.

'Okay,' I say softly, tucking my hands into my pockets as I get up. 'I'll walk you out.'

It is raining outside, sprinkling, and I watch as the rain patters softly against the glowing lights that are flashing neon green, and as water rolls down sleek, black apartment buildings like black tears.

I look out at the city, this big city full of sweltering lights and glistening buildings, and I wonder if someone else is looking out their window, watching the bright lights blink and flash, thinking how drastically things could change in a short period of time.

We walk into the iCarly studio, and down the stairs to the Shay's loft, where Spencer is curled up on the couch in penguin pajamas.

I open the wooden door silently -being careful not to wake Spencer up- and we walk out of the apartment.

The hall is empty and dark, and the lights are dimmed so I can only see a tangle of blonde curls next to me as I close the door.

'So,' she says, slouching down on the wall below the sign that reads 8D. ' I guess this is it, nub.'

Even through the darkness, I can see her bight her lip slightly.

'Yeah,' I say leaning against the wall across from her. 'It was nice kissing you, and fighting with you, and buying you meat.'

We both laugh, though even laughter cannot break this awkward tension between us.

She gets up suddenly, swallowing. 'I should really go now.'

She starts walking away, and I follow her until she is inside the elevator and about to press the button to go down.

'I'll walk with you to the door,' I say.

She nods and presses the button. The elevator dings as we reach the lobby, where Lewbert is asleep, and I watch her walk slowly out the door.

' Sam, wait!' I half-yell, as she pushes the door open, and takes out her umbrella.

'What?' her voice is cracked, and as she turns around, I see that her makeup is smeared all over the place.

I want to tell her not to go, to tell her that us breaking up was a mistake, that I think Carly was wrong.

I want to tell her it breaks my heart to have her just walk away like that, and that every time I look at her, all I want is one more kiss, one more hug, one more second of it all.

One more.

She stares at me, waiting, and for a moment her eyes lock on mine, like a clashing symphony of brown and blue, and all I can see is _her._

I can't.

I look down and gulp.

'I hate you,' I say softly, knowing that tomorrow we will go back to our lives of being the iCarly trio, instead of being Sam and Freddie, and Carly.

She smiles, a smile that is so fake and un-Sam that I almost snort.

'I hate you,too.'


	2. Chapter 2

_Freddie_

It still hurts sometimes, as time goes by slowly, as the haze of days become weeks, and weeks become months, as life starts feeling normal again, somehow set in place.

Sometimes, on the couch, our fingers will slightly touch in the popcorn bowl as we are watching a movie, and a rush of memories will start flooding in, of us laughing, and holding hands, and of elevator dings and kissing. Then, she will pull away slightly, and we will continue our lives as if nothing has happened.

'Freddie,' Carly says, as I am drinking a can of peppy cola, staring blankly at the ceiling. 'I need to talk to you.'

I close my eyes and listen to the soft tinkling of the rain, as it falls on the window panes, _tink tink tink_, trying to block out everything that is spinning in my head, trying to ignore these little jolts of pain and longing every time I think of _her_.

'Freddie Benson,' Carly says loudly, smaking my shoulder. 'I want to talk to you. Did you hear me the first time?'

I raise my can of peppy cola to take a sip. 'Is this about Sam? Because I don't want to hear it.'

'Look,' she says, plopping down on the chair next to mine. 'I sent Sam to that meat convention, because I need talk to you alone.'

I sigh as I walk to the trash can to throw the can of peppy cola away.

'And you needed to get Sam and Spencer out of the house just to talk to me?' I say, as I walk back to my spot in front of the computer.

Carly is biting her lip. 'I didn't shove Spencer out of the house, okay? He really has a date with an artist at the junkyard!'

I nod, even though I don't believe her.

'Fine, what do you want to talk to me about?' I raise a warning finger. 'And if this is about Sam, I swear, Carly Shay, I will-'

'Just meet me up in the iCarly studio, okay?'

The rain is splashing harder and harder outside, and the sound of rain is growing steadily, until it reaches an earsplitting climax with a dramatic clap of thunder.

'Okay.'

'So,' I say, plopping down on a yellow bean bag. 'What do you want to talk about?'

'Well,' she says, sitting down on a fluffy pink bean bag next to me. 'I just wanted to say that ever since you and Sam broke up a few weeks ago, you've just seemed a little, I don't know, off.'

She puts her hands on her chin, and turns her head to look at me with that concerned look of hers.

'Why did you even break up in the first place?'

The silence that follows hangs in the air like a grenade, and neither of us are willing to let it explode.

All is quiet for a few seconds, before I clear my throat, breaking the silence.

'Honestly, Carly, I don't know. We just heard you talking to Spencer and that babysitter chick, saying that they were forcing this whole friendship thing into a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, and I don't know, we just thought it sounded right, that you were referring to us, and then that was it.'

'I didn't-,' Carly starts, staring at the floor.

'And I know you're going to say that you weren't talking about us, but what you said, I don't know, maybe it was true, that we were just meant to be friends, and maybe this whole relationship thing was wrong, but it's just that it feels right, every second of us kissing, and holding hands, and it feels natural, just to be with her.' I smack my forehead a little, feeling angry at how things could be so messed up, so twisted. 'And how could something wrong feel so right?'

Carly nods like she understands, and pats my back.

'I'm sorry,' she says, swallowing. 'I didn't know that this whole thing was so complicated, but truthfully, I really didn't come up here to talk about Sam.'

'Then, what do you want to talk about, sketches for iCarly?' I rub my temples. 'Maybe I should go home. I just need to be alone to think about things, I'm just so confused. I'm sorry, Carly.'

I get up, from the yellow bean bag, and past the camera and the computer, to the glass door, which I am about to push open, to think, and to clear my mind.

'Freddie, wait!' Carly suddenly calls, startling me. 'I have to ask you a question.'

'Okay.' I say, walking towards the bean bags, where she is sitting.

'It's just, I wanted to ask you,' she pauses, gulping. 'Is it too late for you to love me?'

'What?'

'Is it too late for you to love me,' she repeats, biting her lip. 'Did you not hear me?'

I stare at her, at the girl who I used to have a crush on, at the girl who is my best friend, and I wonder if the dark haired girl sitting in front of me on a pink beanbag is someone else.

'Carly,' I say. 'What are you doing, you know I love you like a sis—,'

Before I can finish my sentence, she leans towards me and kisses me.

I feel her glossed lips against mine, and I try to pull her away gently, so I won't hurt her, but she is pressing her lips against mine so fiercely, I can't even pull away.

'Carly,' I say, as I finally push her away by shoving both my hands blindly in front of me, 'What are you doing? I-,'

Before I can say anything else, before I can even register what just happened, I see a mass of blonde hair outside the glass door that reads 'iCarly', the girl's blue eyes opened wide in shock.

Sam.


	3. Chapter 3

'_You think you know me? I don't know me!' – The butterfly effect_

Freddie

'No, wait!' I call after her, as she closes her eyes and runs down the stairs. 'It isn't what you think it is!'

I open the glass door, and sprint down the stairs, past Carly's room, past all the zany sculptures Spencer has made, to the loft, where Spencer is making a sculpture out of macaroni boxes, and raw macaroni.

'Spencer!' I half yell. 'Where's Sam? I need to see her. It's urgent.'

I open the Shay's front door, and take a long look down the hallway, but Sam is nowhere to be seen.

'Sam,' I call, 'Sam!' But my voice just echoes around the dark hallway, hollow and empty.

I slam the Shay's front door, and I plop down on the couch, breathing heavily.

'What's wrong, Freddo?' Spencer asks, putting a macaroni box down, and turning his gead so he can face me. 'I just saw Sam walk out, and I'm not sure what just happened, but she looked pretty upset.'

'Did she have an umbrella? A rain coat? Its pouring out there, she couldn't just walk out, could she?'

I cringe at the thought that there is a possibility that she didn't bring an umbrella, and that she walked home, wet and alone and confused at what she just saw minutes earlier.

Spencer frowns, his eyebrows arched up, and head tilted slightly sideways. '

'I tried to give her one of these,' he says pointing to a giant umbrella that is shaped like a baseball cap. 'But she just stormed out.' He does a gesture with his hands.

I put my face in my hands, and Spencer walks over to the couch and pats my back and hands me a ginger ale.

'So,' he says. 'What just happened? I thought you guys were going to do iCarly tonight?'

I nod and take a sip of the ginger ale, which makes me feels a little bit better.

'I know, but you know when you were away with this artist you met at the junkyard? And Sam was away at that meat convention? Anyway, a lot happened when you were away, and I don't know, it's complicated. Maybe, I just need to be alone to think about things. So many things just keep happening, like bombs exploding again and again and again.' I do an exploding gesture with my hands. 'But thanks for listening, Spenc.'

Spencer nods, though he looks confused. 'No problemo, Freddo,' he says, smiling. 'If you need me, I'll be right here, working on this macaroni sculpture.'

He pats my head, and walks back to his sculpture, where he freezes for a second before walking back to me.

'And Freddie,' he says, drowning down my ginger ale. 'If you ever need me, I'll be here. Anyplace, anytime.'

He gives me a goofy grin, and I am somehow comforted, knowing that at least one person will be willing to listen to my problems.

Because that's what you need sometimes, not advice, just someone who is willing to listen.

I sit on my bed, watching raindrops drop onto my bedroom window. I try to not think about anything, to try to clear my mind from this mess, this whole twisted mess. I can't though, because every time I stare at the rain on my window, or close my eyes, I see Carly leaning toward me, her vanilla scent overwhelming, I see Sam's pained expression just before she looks down and runs away. How could so much happen in such a small period of time? How could a few minutes of time change everything? I kick my pillow, again and again, because I don't know what I feel about all of this, all I know is that in that-

I hear a knock on my bedroom door, and I give a half hearted, 'Come in!' before I sit back onto my bed.

'It's me.' Carly says quietly as she walks in slowly and sits down on my desk chair.

She looks so out of place, with her pink shirt and her black skirt, next to Galaxy Wars figures and video games and math books filled with multi-colored bookmarks.

'So,' she says quietly, tapping her foot against the floor. 'Sam left, didn't she?'

I nod impatiently. 'Look, Carly,' I say, standing up and pacing around the room. 'Why did you come here? So you could 'talk' to me again?'

I stand next to the door, and I lean against it. 'Because do you know how confused I am right now? How even more complicated you've made this whole situation? Now, Sam's gone and honestly, I don't know what to do.'

I close the door and lock it, with a two clicks, then I sit down again. 'Why did you even kiss me, anyway?'

She closes her eyes and puts her head on my desk. 'I don't know,' she says, raising her head a little. ' I just thought, you and Sam just broke up, and you used to have a crush on me, so I just wanted to know if you still had feelings for me , and of there was a chance I could ever like you.'

'So do you?'I ask.

She stares at me, and for a second, I see the ghost of a smile on her face.

'Do you?'

I walk back to my bed and plop onto the sheets. 'I think you have to answer me first, since it was you who created this mess in the first place.'

She sighs and runs a hand through her dark hair.

'Fine,' she says. 'The truth is, Freddie, that I don't like you _that_ way. I mean, in that moment, when I kissed you, it just felt weird, I don't know, off. And I know you feel the same way, too.'

I nod furiously. 'Keep going,' I say.

'And I'm sorry,' she says. 'For kissing you and hurting Sam. I never wanted to hurt my best friend. And I don't know if this will help, but I'm saying it anyway.'

My head is still swimming with thoughts, but I feel a little better, knowing that at least I haven't lost my best friend.

'This situation is still complicated, okay?' I say. 'Sam is still gone, and I'm just not sure of what I feel. You can't just think because of the fact that you don't have feelings for me anymore can fix everything.' I shouldn't be so angry at her, but I am, for making this mess, and expecting for this situation to fix itself on its own.

'Calm down, Freddie,' Carly says softly, walking towards my bed and sitting down. 'I know that it can't fix anything, but I can help you fix this, okay?'

I take a deep breath and I feel myself cooling off.

'Thanks, Carly,' I say.

'Hey,' she says, opening the door so we can walk out together. 'What are best friends for?'

**A/N:**

**Hi there, it's me, Puppy Love Grace, thank you, all of you, for looking at my story, I appreciate it. Thank you, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! I am new, if you didn't know to the world of fanfiction, and this is my first fanfic, so be nice! I'm just kidding, constructive criticism is welcome. And, I have a few more juicy chapters to update, and my first story will be finished.**

**Please review, those of you who haven't, and thank you, those of you who have.**

**A special shout out to bullchizz155, ladyjames and random sass, thank you for reviewing!**


	4. Chapter 4

'_You are so busy being you that you have no idea how unprecedented you are.' - Augustus Waters to Hazel, The Fault in our Stars._

_Freddie_

'Maybe I should go find her by myself,' I say, after typing in Sam's pear phone code to the sleek white computer. 'I mean, a lot has happened these few days, and I don't think both of us confronting her at the same time is a good idea.'

_Because you're her best, best friend, and seeing you kiss me that way must have destroyed her, _I want to say, but I keep my mouth shut.

'Okay,' she says, nodding, as she taps her fingers against the keyboard, typing in Sam's pass code. 'But I'm worried about her. She's my best friend, too. You know?'

She sighs slightly and turns her chair to look at me.

'You're right, though,' she says, getting out of the chair to get cans of Peppy Cola. 'You should definitely go alone.'

'Peppy Cola?' she adds, and I nod as she throws me a can of the fizzy drink.

I watch as I press the button to locate Sam, and the map slowly closes in on Washington, then Seattle, then slowly, slowly…

'She's at the groovy smoothie!' I yell, as the pin drops onto the shop, a tiny dot on a sea of lights and buildings.

'Oh!' Carly exclaims as she drops her can with a large clink. 'She didn't lock herself in a mental hospital this time!'

'Yeah, well, I'm going to find her now,' I say, as I grab my jacket from the couch and prepare to head out the door. 'I'll be back.'

I open the door, and Carly walks over to me. 'Good luck,' she says, squeezing my forearm.

'Thanks,' I say, then I walk out the door.

…..

I am barely halfway to the Groovy Smoothie, when it starts raining.

_Oh_, _darn, _I think,_ I should have brought an umbrella,_ as small drops of rain fall onto my head and the sky rumbles.

Even so, I am too preoccupied with everything that has happened these few days, of what happened in the studio-even though Carly explained and apologized-and Sam's expression after the shock wore off, a mixture of pain and hurt.

_It's been a month or two since you've broke up_, a head in my voice says. _'You should know how feel._

I know, deep inside, that what he voice says is true, though I am not willing to admit it.

A shock of anger goes through me, angry at the fact that I don't know what I feel, that I'm confused about everything, angry at this blurry mess of feelings.

I close my eyes and I count to five silently.

'Calm down,' I say to myself. I came here to find Sam, not to get too caught up in my own emotions.

I shake my head, and I look up in surprise, and seeing the orange red sign, I realize I am at the front door of the Groovy Smoothie.

I see Sam sitting in a table near the back, alone. I step one step closer to the door. 'Sam,' I mouth, as I pound on the door slightly. 'Sam!'

She spots me as she is swirling her straw around her foam cup, and for a while she sits there, her mouth frozen in shock. She shakes her head slightly and in one faltering second, she gets out and storms out the door.

'No,' I say, as she runs past me. 'No. Come back!'

I hear a large roll of thunder, and I run down the street, as the rain water pours down in soft patters onto the road.

'Sam,' I call through the pouring rain. 'You can't keep avoiding me for the rest of your life! You have to talk to me sooner or later!'

I shiver as freezing cold rain water soaks every inch of me, but something in my mind clicks, and I keep running, knowing that I can't lose her again. I can't lose her for a second time.

Finally I faintly see a figure in front of me stop, and I walk a few steps forward to catch up to it, my heart pounding.

'Sam?' I ask softly.

'What do you want, Benson?' her voice is cracked, and her face is wet, from the rain or from crying, I can't tell.

'You're my best friend, Sam, and I don't like seeing you hurt. Look, what happened in the iCarly studio-'

'Oh, stop,' she says, wiping her eye with one hand. 'Just go. Go back to your little Carly. Go have your perfect little life together and have perfect little kids.'

She shivers for a second, as the freezing rain splashes down on her. 'Just go,' she sighs. 'Please.'

'No,' I say, taking one step forward. 'I am not just going to leave you here alone. Look, I know what you're feeling right know and we can fix this, okay?'

'You don't know anything!' she screams through the rain, her eyes looking straight at me. 'You don't know anything I'm feeling. And don't say you didn't mean the kiss, because I know perfectly well you did.'

'Just go back to Carly, okay,' she croaked. 'Because I hate you. I hate you!'

'You don't understand. You don't know how much it hurts, every day, always being second best. It hurts, being Carly's best friend, Carly, the perfect one, the pretty one, the girly one, the one who gets all the attention. And I'm just Sam, the violent one, the other one. Do you know how much it hurts?'

Tears are rolling down her cheeks, and I want to run to her, to tell her that everything is alright, but instead I just stand there, frozen.

'And when she talks about her dad in the military, that it's not fair that she couldn't see him, it hurts too,' she is covers her mouth, and starts to cry, softly, while the rain continues to pour down. 'When my dad just walked out of the door and never came back,' her teeth chatter slightly. 'I loved him, you know? I loved him _so much_. And that night, the night he was fighting with my mom, I was listening from my room, listening to him slam the door and walk out from my life forever. And that night when I went back to my bed and tried to go to sleep, but I just kept crying, softly so no one could hear, because I had just lost the person I loved most, and there was no way to get him back.'

We stare at each other for a few seconds in silence. I try to say the words, I'm sorry, but no sound comes out of my mouth, because I know that sorry won't bring her dad back. Apologies won't heal hurt.

'You just don't understand, okay?' she sniffs, wiping her eyes. 'It's fine. I'll be fine.'

Fury rises up in me, along with a mix of a million other emotions, fury that she doesn't think I know what hurt is, fury that she doesn't think I know what it feels like to lose a loved one.

'You think I don't anything, Sam?' I say, raising my voice so she can hear me. 'I loved my dad, too, you know. That night, he was on a business trip, and I wanted for him to come home to go camping,' my voice is little shaky, but still steady. 'But there was a rainstorm that night, and he was hit by a truck. He was killed instantly.'

'I'm sorry,' Sam whispers leaning her head against the glass door of a storefront.

'You don't have to be,' I say softly, seeing her expression. 'I'm just saying. I know how it feels, I know the way you'll see something really special and want to tell him, and you'll walk over to his favorite spot, where he use to drink his coffee in the morning and read his newspaper at night. Then all of a sudden, it hits you. That he's not there.'

I take a deep breath and run a hand through my wet hair, where I watch the raindrops cascade onto the wet cement.

'I just wanted you to know, I'll always be there for you.' I say.

'She nods, wiping her eyes, and gives a weak smile. 'Thanks.'

We stand in silence for a while before Sam looks down and asks, 'Freddie?'

'Yeah?' I nod.

'I just want to know, when were dating, did you love me then?' she bites her lip and grimaces as rain drips down her face. 'Or did you always like Carly, from the beginning?'

She closes her eyes and sighs. 'It's alright,' she says, the corners of her eyes red. 'You can tell me the truth.'

She looks so vulnerable in this moment, in the rain, shivering. Genuine, the walls she built to block herself from all emotion, crumbled down.

'Sam, I didn't think about Carly at all when we were dating,' I say. 'I really loved you then.'

'Then what do you feel right now,' she raises her hands slightly. 'About all of this? You've heard what I think, and of course you've heard what Carly thinks.'

'I don't know,' I say plopping down onto the wet cement. 'I'm just confused, about everything, it all just happened so fast.'

She nods slightly and stares at the ground, where fat raindrops are dripping down in earnest.

I close my eyes to try to relieve myself from this growing headache that comes with these millions of thoughts that are spinning around my head.

I feel a fog in my mind clear, and in one split second, I realize everything.

The fog clears and I realize everything, everything that has been in front of my face this whole time, though I was too stupid to know what I was. The fog clears, and I realize everything, everything I've should've realized weeks ago, everything that has led me to this point, the twists of fate and choice.

The fog clears, and I know what I feel.

I stand up and walk over to her, where she is alone on the sidewalk in the rain. I step one step closer, until our noses are almost touching, and I tilt my head slightly, to where her ear is, and I whisper, softly, 'I love you. I need you.'

I press my lips to hers, and soon, we are kissing in the rain.

Normally, you wouldn't want to be here, in the middle of the sidewalk, shivering in the freezing rain, with the girl who used to give you a wedgie every week. But in this second, as she presses her lips on mine, there's no place I'd rather be.

…..

We find ourselves at the front door of the Bushwell Plaza just as I hear a large boom of thunder, hinting at a bigger storm ahead.

'So,' I say, jumping onto the first step to get inside. 'Shall we?'

I hold out a hand, and with a quick nod of my head, I gesture to the metal doors.

She looks down for a second, her eyelashes thick with rain water. I can feel her hesitating, wondering what would happen if I pushed the heavy doors open.

I know there is chance that she might run again, out into the rain, and out of my life, there is a chance she is could still just walk away, and never come back, but God knows I've already taken enough chances on Sam Puckett.

'So?' I ask again, shivering at a slight wind. 'Shall we?'

She slowly extends her pale, frail hand to me.

'Okay.'


	5. Chapter 5 PART ONE

'_You love me. Real or not real?'_

_I tell him, 'Real.' _

_- Suzanne Collins, Mockingjay _

_Freddie_

The elevator dings as it reaches the lobby, and I step in, pressing the green 'open' button with my finger so Sam can get in.

'Hooligans!' I hear Lewbert scream, just as the metal doors are about to close. 'You idiots got water in my stinking lobby!'

'So,' I say, sticking my hands in the pockets of my wet jeans, as Sam presses the button to get to Carly's apartment. 'What now?'

We are both wet and shivering from the rain, and though we are both silent as we stare at the numbers move along on the black screen, five, six, seven, eight, ding.

The doors open, and we step out into the dark hallway, and walk towards the Shay's apartment.

Sam sighs lightly, and through the dim light, I see her chest heave in and out, slowly.

'I don't know,' she says after a long pause. 'Let's take a shower first, though, and we can talk,' she gestures to the space between us. 'About us.'

I nod just as we reach the sign that reads 8-D above the Shay's apartment.

'Wait,' I say, as she extends her hand and is about to open the door. 'You'll have to talk to Carly, too, soon,' I place my hand on the door. 'I don't want you to lose your best friend.'

'Fine,' she mumbles, nodding her head impatiently. 'I'll try.'

I sigh, putting my hand on the doorknob.

I twist the door open, softly, in case Spencer is asleep, and I step in, holding the door ajar so Sam can walk in after me.

For a few seconds that I stand there before the Shay's door, I wish that everything was somehow, okay. That we could go back to the days when we were the iCarly trio, and things were simple and carefree, when we didn't have to pick up the pieces of this complicated mess and somehow glue them back together.

But something in my mind clicks, and I know that _this _whole thing started a long time ago, long before Carly kissed me that night in the iCarly studio, even before Sam and I broke up.

And as I slowly twist the knob to open the door –softly, in case Spencer is awake— I realize this is the first step to making things right, to healing, opening ourselves to a whole lot of happiness or a whole lot of hurt.

I leave the door opened, so Sam can walk in, and she does, sprinting to the kitchen and sticking her head in the refrigerator.

'Carly,' I call, because she is nowhere to be seen in the living room or in the kitchen.

The lights are on, and there are plates of spaghetti tacos on the kitchen table, but there is no one there.

'Caarly,' I call again, louder this time, walking up the stairs and knocking on her door. 'Carly!'

'What!' I hear her shout and the mumble, 'Spencer, if this is about leaving the milk carton in the shower, I'm…,' she trails off, and opens the door with a _click_.

'Hey,' she says, leaning against her doorway. 'How'd it go with Sam? And why are you all wet?'

She gives a puzzled look, and I shrug my shoulders and mouth the word 'rain'.

'Oh,' she says, throwing her head back and laughing, a gesture I have seen a million times, yet it somehow seems awkward as she tilts her head slightly so she can stare at me.

'Well,' I say, clearing my throat a little too loudly. 'Yeah.'

'Mmm,' Carly says, a fake smile plastered across her face.

There is a sense of peculiarity in the air. Of strangeness, of stiffness, of silence, as we stand in the doorway, Carly playing with her fingernails, and me staring at an orange throw pillow in her room, the one that is placed on the far left corner of the coach.

'_When did it come down to this?' _I think silently as I tap my shoes against a hot pink doormat. _'When did it come down to us treating each other as if we're complete strangers?'_

'So,' she says after a while, biting her lip. 'Where's Sam?'

She looks up at me, her lip quivering slightly—something she does when she's nervous—and I see for a second, before she blinks and looks away, the fear in her eyes. Fear of losing her best friend. Fear of losing Sam again.

'She's downstairs,' I say, pointing my finger towards the staircase. 'Eating, probably. But maybe you should go down and talk to her.'

'What?' she says, stepping one step closer to me, closing the door to her room. 'Maybe it's too soon. You just went and found Sam half an hour ago,' she takes a look at her watch, a light pink one with the letter 'C' imprinted on the face.

'Look,' I say, sitting down on the brown bench directly across from her. 'You can't avoid her forever, Carly. You'll have to talk to her sooner or later.'

'Wait.' She says, stepping into her room. 'I'll get you a blanket. You must be freezing.'

She hands me a red blanket, one that reads 'Cheese Bubbles' and I nod vaguely, accepting the blanket and wrapping around my shoulders.

'She's your best friend. You need to talk to her after all that's happened,' I say, standing up so I can face her. 'I'll tell her to come up. You guys can talk in the iCarly studio, or something.'

I turn around, ready to walk down the stairs to get down to the kitchen, where I can be alone, away from all of this, where I can tell myself again and again that things will be fine, and realize with a jolt that they may not.

'Wait,' she calls, just before I turn around. 'Where will you be?'

'Oh,' I say, turning my head slightly as I walk down the stairs. 'I'll be in the kitchen with Spencer, so don't worry, I'm not going anywhere,' I reach the end of the stairway, where I pause for a few seconds time to look up at Carly, who is looking down at me, her dark air hanging over the wooden railing.

'


End file.
